The Upside of Fear
The Upside of Fear -- 29 Sep 2009
Fear is a funny thing. It's mission is to protect you, to save your life. And yet, the actions taken in heeding its call often result in doing more harm than good.
Fear saves your life when it propels you to jump out of the way of an incoming car, or avoid the hiss of a rattlesnake on a remote trail.
Fear causes harm when it keeps you awake at night - wondering and worrying, projecting into the future and back in time, second guessing your choices and decisions.
Fear causes more harm when it results in actions filled with regret, creating more suffering. Defensiveness causing harsh words. Jealousy causing gossip. Holding on to old wounds and hurts causing further separation. Embarrassment causing secrets to take on lives of their own, causing lies to become reality. This is the fear of habitual response; keeping you unconsciously doing the same old thing over and over again.
When fear causes harm, your ego builds layers of hardness to cover over your basic goodness and open heart. Ego does its best to convince you that this protection is for your own good. In reality, those layers only serve to keep you contracted and separate. To keep you stuck right where you are.
Fear can save your life in another way. It can help you grow, move forward and peel away those protective layers.
I got to thinking about this while on a trip a week or so ago with my dear friend Kiki. We’d gone on a spiritual adventure and vacation to Colorado, with plenty of time to talk and ponder the truths of our lives, the Universe and everything in between. Sharing stories, remembering key points in our lives where we made decisions and choices that moved us forward.
I was surprised to discover that many of my 'moving forward' points had their origins in fear. Instead of fear encouraging me to stay stuck, it prompted me to move in the direction of right action to move closer to my basic goodness and the wisdom of my heart.
Turns out, this kind of fear is actually a wake up call from the heart - a perhaps not so gentle reminder that path you’re on is most definitely not in your best interests. This is the fear that prompts you to remove a layer rather than add one on.
So "hooray" for the upside of fear! The fear that cuts through the layers, allowing you to hear the wake up call from your heart.
The trick is learning to listen to fear, to notice when it's the work of your ego - keeping you stuck, delusional-ly safe and adding a layer to your heart - versus when its the call of your heart - an opportunity to take a layer away.
Here are some tips for your Peace Warrior toolkit to practice working with fear…
*When you feel fear arising – overcome your natural response to run from it and see what is actually going on
*Remember that fear is a normal response – hard wired into your body
*Question its validity
*Start with fear in its obvious forms - where you notice your stomach clenching, your body contracting or your heart rate rising. Perhaps its talking in front of groups. Doing something new and unfamiliar. Asking for help.
*Notice what you do when you're afraid. Do you keep quiet? Lash out? Do nothing? Swear? Make a silly remark? The possibilities are endless – just notice.
*Notice how you feel when you follow your initial response. Do you feel clearer and more open? Or do you feel like you avoided a terrible calamity by the skin of your teeth? Do you beat yourself up?
*Once you become familiar with your habitual response to fear, begin practicing just being with the fear, meeting yourself exactly where you are. This is an act of self kindness, and sets the stage for using the fear to move you closer to your heart.
*Find the smallest step you can make to move you closer to your heart, rather than moving away. It may be taking a breath or two. It may be going outside. Perhaps its talking to a close friend.
*Remind yourself that you are not alone in your fear. It is an experience you share with every other being on this planet.
Remember that working with fear in this way requires courage and kindness. The courage to stay with the experience. The kindness to meet yourself right where you are.
And each time you use your experience with fear to take a layer of protection away, bringing you closer to the truth of your open heart, you'll be planting seeds of peace – both seen and unseen.